your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
