How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
