she looked like the bat from fern gully.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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