she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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