Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
