return my video game
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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