i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
