Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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