u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
