I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
