Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
