Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
