Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
