god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
