1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
