I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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