I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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