Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There r osticjed everywhere
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
