she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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