haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
