I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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