If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
