Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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