i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
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My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
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They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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