he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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