tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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