He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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