I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
