Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
