the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's blow job season.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
