Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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