so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We have started to decorate penises.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
this hospital has no fireball
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
