If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
