You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
