Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
