I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
