FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
