i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
