He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
