Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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