WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
