I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize