We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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