"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
