I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
