Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
