take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
