I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
wow bdsm is so cute
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
