How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
