Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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