Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
