we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
