Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
