Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
