Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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