I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
NoShamevember. You game?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
