2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize