I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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