you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
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Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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