when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Operation Purity has been aborted
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
