Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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