Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
