don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
