when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
