clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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