So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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