It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
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i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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