well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
