I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
