I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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