well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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