i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every concussion has its silver lining
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.