The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
