Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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